I cheated.

I decided to start this post with a picture I saw on Lamebook.com to lighten the mood. 

But really, I ate meat. It started to wear on me over time. I was tired of having to prepare every meal and not feeling full. 

So, I ate a hot dog. I know what you're thinking. Why a hot dog? Well, it gets worse. 

After that I ate meat for 3 days straight. Yeah I felt bad, but I had detached myself from the fact that it was an animal.

This brings me to my reflection.

Why was I able to eat meat? Why after all of the emotional pain I felt for the animals I read about was I able to overcome that belief and give in for days? I believe it is because of what Carol Adams calls an absent referent in "The Sexual Politics of Meat."

"the absent referent is a process by which one refers to the experience of a subject/person without ever referencing that subject/person directly. Thus, the original reference becomes absent through the abstraction of butchering (making a living subject into a dead object), terminology (meat), and metaphor (treated like an animal). (p51-53)" (This particular wording was taken from a quiz given to me by Professor Adam Weitzenfeld.)

The idea is that by no longer calling the butchered cow "cow" and instead calling it "steak" or "hot dog." We separate the item from the animal. I was not eating the cow or pig that suffered. I was eating a hot dog or a burger. When I say "burger" out load the immediate image that pops into my head is a hamburger patty on a bun. There is no image of an animal. I was able to distance myself from my feeling towards the suffering of animals by removing the animal from the equation. 

I have since returned to a fully vegan lifestyle, but it has become more difficult. I plan to continue posting on this even after this project is over. The next post will be a final statement.